Even if you’re not trying to get married or even in a relationship, these books have proven super interesting and been a great source of food for thought!

For those in relationships, I think setting aside deliberate time to read and discuss together can be really powerful. Think of it as a relationship devotional! It’s also meditative and can prompt good, thoughtful discussions. Sometimes when the discussions get intense, it’s okay to take a breather and come back to the conversations later. Obviously these books span everything from really intense to more mundane topics, so also feel free to pick and choose as makes sense for your situation.

  • A Love Letter Life
    • Follows a Christian couple on their relationship journey from dating to marriage
    • They have a pretty good routine for checking in with each other and there’s an accompanying journal/set of questions that we found useful as a reference / starting point for figuring out our own check-ins and routines
  • Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married
    • From the same guy who came up with Love Languages
    • Has helpful exercises in each chapter and can be very helpful in being tactical
    • Short, quite easy to read
  • The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment With the Wisdom of God
    • Grounded a lot in religion but I think the book acknowledges a lot of topics that might be on the minds of younger, urban people
    • Even if not religious (like me), can be a good read and also provide some educational tidbits about Christianity
    • Dense, takes longer to get through; first and last paragraphs of each chapter are highest value in our experience so far
  • Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
    • Have not yet read this myself, but have heard rave reviews (at the very least, this book is great for guiding conversations with prompting questions)
    • Allows you to work through different domains of life and sets you up to have these big discussions
  • The Course of Love
    • A fictional case study of a marriage and how the two people grow apart over time
    • Really easy to read and provides lots of food for thought, and beautiful/poetic
    • Includes snippets of advice on what to do/what not to do/where things go wrong for the couple
  • Wedding Toasts I’ll Never Give
    • Snippet of the book here
    • A refreshing take on marriage, including when the going gets tough and all sorts of sticky situations that are often glossed over in literature/media
    • Author shares a lot of very real moments and experiences with her husband and their relationship and it provides a lot of food for thought on what marriage might actually look like (vs the glossy exteriors)

If you’re near me, I’m trying to keep hard copies with annotations of our notes and reactions and thoughts so would be more than happy to share my copy with you after we’re done!

Other books I’ve heard about recently:

  • Other John Gottman’s books
  • Feeling Good Together by David Burns
  • We Love Each Other But… by Ellen Wachtel
  • Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson
  • Mating in Captivity, The State of Affairs by Esther Perel