Graduation

I have many, many thoughts, and I’ve been using that as an excuse to procrastinate on creating a coherent reflection now that I have not only completed my last semester of undergrad but also actually graduated. So that I will stop procrastinating, I have decided to let myself write this as a collection of thoughts.

Leaving Boston

Is it symbolic that the last thing I ordered in Boston while waiting for my flight home was a Youthberry tea from Starbucks? An elixir of fruity smelling youthfulness as I close the chapter of my life that marks the prime of my youth? I do feel as if I am leaving behind a certain youthful naïveté and carefree attitude as I begin to ponder credit checks, paying rent, buying groceries, choosing recipes for the week, working a real job, and many other lovely surprises that I’m sure await me in Real Life.

As I was waiting to board my flight home with my parents, I thought about the irony of how I had flown to Boston alone when I first went to school and yet here I was, four years later, four years older, four years more seasoned as a human being, and still getting help with my suitcases. Perhaps it’s representative of my newfound “wisdom,” which enables me to ask for help when needed and accept it graciously. (Though to be honest, I still struggle with that some days. Sometimes I still feel the need to prove that I can do it all myself. And judging off some popular literature, perhaps that feeling will never go away completely.)

The actual act of leaving Boston was significantly easier than leaving campus. My family and I spent two days in Boston after I had to move out from my dorm. I guess the painful experience of having to move out and leave campus had already faded away by the time I got to the airport.

A Letter from 2012

A few days ago, I received an email from Future Me – it was a letter I had written to myself on May 27, 2012. It was right at the end of junior year in high school – S5, as some of us fondly remember it – and the biggest worries in my life were getting to go to prom with the seniors, taking the SATs, preparing for my senior year (“Next year will be busy/intense”), getting blemishes off my face, and perhaps pursuing a career in “financial banking” (I’m not kidding about the wording. Makes me wonder what 16-year-old Isabella thought banking consisted of…). Rereading this letter tickled me greatly: on the one hand, I seem so naïve at 16 yet there are so many things I wrote that resonate with me today.

(One of the goals I had for myself was to graduate and have a job with a “7 digit salary – inflation accounted for.” I didn’t really understand inflation rates back then, and I also don’t think I was able to count zeroes very well…)

I suppose that the resemblance is to be expected – after all, I’m an older and (hopefully) improved version of 16-year-old Isabella, not a new version of Isabella. I did manage to try out that job in “financial banking” and it would appear that past me had pretty good foresight: “I feel kind of scared away from investment banking.” I did not end up going to the school that I thought was my top choice, and I did not hone the ability to walk in heels, as I had hoped for my future self back in 2012. On the other hand, I did graduate “with a job all ready to go,” find myself a boyfriend, and still remain friends with most of the people I had listed.

Overall, I can say that I am reasonably satisfied with where I am today, especially with respect to the goals and dreams I had held for myself five years ago. It is absolutely fascinating to think about how little past me knew what was in store. From 2012 to 2017, my life took multiple turns. I guess as I look forward to the next five years of my life, which are likely to be just as – if not more – unpredictable as the past five years, it’s reassuring to know that life won’t quite go as I plan, though it won’t err horribly far either.

Onwards 

I wish I had left myself more than three days at home before I head out for my graduation trip. It would be nice to take my time with the unpacking and repacking, and also to have more time to meet up with friends in the city before I am off. That being said, I guess leaving earlier means I have more time back here to do just that on the other end of my grad trip. My impending departure from home also means that I have less time to sit around and wallow in my feelings and thoughts, and instead just have the next big adventure to look forward to.

I feel grateful for the four years I had and I do truly feel that I did as much with them as I wanted to. There is a short list of things I wish I had done, but I also know that it’s rare in life that we get to the bottom of our checklists. Checklists exist as guides and suggestions for what to do, not as prescriptions to which we must religiously adhere. Hopefully as I move on, I’ll keep this at the top of my mind.